Why I decided to keep it all private

 I am by nature a private person. Very much so. Not that I planned to be this way. More the experiences I faced turned me into one of this kind.

Most of my life I had one target/goal per phase and I used to stick to it. And never was it to have friends or confidantes. Never to learn the skills of socializing. Which is the most basic and important skill of all one needs to learn. I make friends though. Lasting friendships, no doubt. Not many, a select few. I want to be able to grow my network or socialize rather spontaneously and it is a skill to learn yet.

Anyways, when it came to struggles for getting pregnant, I shared my struggles with a few people. My mother-in-law and a couple of friends, both of whom were pregnant around the same time. And I remember that from the former, I was hinted that I would need to go for treatment, whatever it may be, to have a child. And that I am unattractive, have no passion and that I have low libido. The latter two, were quick to suggest IVF back then. They may not have thought of it that way, but it almost felt like me and my problem had to be fixed instantaneously and neither had the patience to hear me out. I turned to therapists after that, to voice my issues.

My mother, God bless her, is a kind person and lacks in emotional strength now, after having been dealt a losing hand for the last few years. She was not like this always. But this is what she is now. She does not want to push me, that I know. But she was told by quite a few as well that I should seek ART.

I, being myself, wanted to believe that I am capable - of getting pregnant naturally, carrying a healthy baby to term and raising my child well. God willing children. All this negative talk that I am not capable would chip away at my already fragile confidence and added to my stress. Coupled with the fact that my husband buys into the idea that I am not capable makes it all the more fun.

There are forums to discuss. But I have not found a forum that is for me. 

I found natural fertility info recently and plan to follow the self fertility massage for the next cycle and hopefully not need it after that.

We also booked for an evaluation later this month, so whatever be the way, this is sure to help and aid.

Also, as I write this I am looking at a yoga video. They say these poses are helpful:

Baddha konasana

Upavistha konasana

Legs up the wall

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=srNr-ODHM2M

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GDYm7OWHWbA

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oFHYSf0v6Sc

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6gnNA4IcKp4

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1PFH7iNFV2Q

https://www.youtube.com/results?search_query=%23ttc

Good luck to me! Good luck to us!