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Why I decided to keep it all private

  I am by nature a private person. Very much so. Not that I planned to be this way. More the experiences I faced turned me into one of this kind. Most of my life I had one target/goal per phase and I used to stick to it. And never was it to have friends or confidantes. Never to learn the skills of socializing. Which is the most basic and important skill of all one needs to learn. I make friends though. Lasting friendships, no doubt. Not many, a select few. I want to be able to grow my network or socialize rather spontaneously and it is a skill to learn yet. Anyways, when it came to struggles for getting pregnant, I shared my struggles with a few people. My mother-in-law and a couple of friends, both of whom were pregnant around the same time. And I remember that from the former, I was hinted that I would need to go for treatment, whatever it may be, to have a child. And that I am unattractive, have no passion and that I have low libido. The latter two, were quick to suggest IVF bac...

Where do I begin

  I do not know where to begin frankly. I know that I've always wanted to have kids of my own. Be a mother. Like many others, I read on the internet, I've been part of this as well. I'm in what one might call, advanced age for motherhood. And here I am. Whether by choice or just the way life flowed, here is where I am. Do I regret it all? Not really. Parts of it, mostly about how I dealt with things, but not with the where my life is right now. I got married naively thinking that married life is a bed of roses. Not realizing that marriage requires hard work. Especially for the kind of life I want and want for my kids, I need to be a very strong person. Physically and mentally. I was lacking on both fronts. Same for my partner but the way he dealt with it was different from how I did. We did acknowledge from time to time that we weren't being respectful towards each other and sort of waiting for things to resolve themselves, instead of even being on the same page about t...